Breaking up.

I just said "I'm out" to my best friend. Fuck it hurts. Appologies for the number "I" in this post. This is all from my perspective, so it seemed fitting.

He approached me a few years ago with an idea. I said yes, because I wanted to help him. Seemed like I could bring value. What I ended up having to do was way more than we'd originally talked about, and in an area I don't really have the passion to be on weekends for years at end. I thought this would be a year, but it never seems to get anywhere.

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just said "I'm out" to my best friend. Fuck it hurts. Appologies for the number "I" in this post. This is all from my perspective, so it seemed fitting.

He approached me a few years ago with an idea. I said yes, because I wanted to help him. Seemed like I could bring value. What I ended up having to do was way more than we'd originally talked about, and in an area I don't really have the passion to be on weekends for years at end. I thought this would be a year, but it never seems to get anywhere.

I could have done more. I could have done it differently. But I'm a quitter, and 2-3 years is my attention span, it seems. This had been brewing for a while, and it just wasn't leading to where I want to be in a few years. Better break up now, before I waste more of his time.

I have no idea how this will affect our friendship. I asked in the beginning if he really thought it was a good idea to do business, based on general advice people give. He said "yes," and I just wanted to help. Short term, this will feel awful. Hopefully/probably time heals the wounds. I keep telling myself to separate the work from the friendship, but it's hard.

Don't get in business bed with your friends. Or at least set very clear expectations and boundaries. Lesson learned.

Anyone been in a similar situation? What else should I take away from this?

When I quit my last day job, I managed to startle my manager. Got a pale face and blank stare back. That was in person. I told myself I'd ease in the conversation next time. Especially over the phone. And yet, here I am after dropping the bomb in our regular check-up meeting. How does one quit in a nice way?

Other points

I've always used this pattern:

--Thanks for the opportunity

--Stick to your guns

--Use the past as documentation/"evidence" of what the future holds; not promises from the other party

--Be sure to stress/specify that this is not a hostile thing, but a mental health/life thing. You are leaving due to _____ not because you hate that person or the idea or whatever. If you're not happy, you're not happy. That person should want to see you happy.

--If you are really that valuable to the idea, then take a quarter off and ask them to come up with a half year business/tech plan. What do you need to accomplish over the next few months in order to really make some headway?

If your friend and your old manager were both surprised, I have to ask: Why?

It sounds to me like you (like many, many men in this day and age) have a hard time communicating your feelings and prefer to stoically slog through until things get better.

This is why most Lean/Agile methodologies put special emphasis on taking time to re-evaluate processes periodically, and to immediately address any that are actively harming product quality.

If your manager knows you're unhappy for reasons X, Y, and Z then you can work together to fix that. If you're suffering in silence, no one is ever going to know enough to help.

I have. You can still be friends. If they can't separate business and personal life, welp, they're probably not a good friend anyways. Don't bother bringing negatives up to them unless they specifically ask for feedback, just drop it. It's a business idea that didn't work out, it's not like somebody stole from each other or lied about it. He'll probably follow you out not so long from now, it's probably not getting good results for him either.

Question asked by

u/HumansTogether

Date

July 14, 2020, 6:26:50 PM

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